Rushing like Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan

Last night I played two tournaments online: a no-limit hold 'em one and a pot-limit Omaha one. I was running pretty well in both, when the following hand came up in the PLO tournament.

Dealt to E-Donk [Jh 9d As Ad]
My-Hobby: folds
agenbite7: folds
ohmer77: calls 200
mezmereyes23: folds
E-Donk: raises 600 to 800
:() bsmith: folds
FREMINT: folds
purplepickle: calls 600
ohmer77: calls 600
*** FLOP *** [7s 5h Ah]

Just like EuroRounders, I flop top set. Now how to proceed? Since it was midway through the tournament, there are a lot of donks left who will put their money in with mediocre hands I decided to jam it.
purplepickle: bets 1200
ohmer77: calls 1200
E-Donk: raises 4830 to 6030 and is all-in
purplepickle: calls 4830
ohmer77: raises 5785 to 11815 and is all-in
purplepickle: calls 1195 and is all-in

Right now I'm wondering if someone is going to say, well that's okay E-Donk, because I have 8h-6h-4c-3c for a wrap straight draw and a flush draw, which is a favorite over your top set. Then I think about it and realize I'm not in a fucking move. Oh, and you'd have to be mentally challenged to call a raise at a full 9 person table to have a drawing hand that was a substantial favorite over mine. For once, I call the hands dead on - I think - flush draw and someone has a set of 7s, maybe 5s. Correct you are sir! I'm a 60% favorite to take down a 3 way pot and vault me into the top 5 in chips (I was 21/64 at that point).

*** TURN *** [7s 5h Ah] [8d]
*** RIVER *** [7s 5h Ah 8d] [3h]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
purplepickle: shows [5s 3s 5c Ac] (three of a kind, Fives)
ohmer77: shows [Kh Qh 8h Qs] (a flush, Ace high)
ohmer77 collected 2390 from side pot
E-Donk: shows [Jh 9d As Ad] (three of a kind, Aces)
ohmer77 collected 20590 from main pot.

Oh well, it wasn't to be. That's Omaha for you. Luckily the poker gods decided to reward me with UNREAL hands in the NLHE tournament for the first few hours. Here are some of my hands from the first 2 hours.

** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to E-Donk [Qh Qs]
TouchedSpoon: folds
kensky: calls 30
king possum: folds
killi: folds
-Not P-: raises 90 to 120
Roadraider: folds
E-Donk: calls 120
S SIZZLE: folds
462_Loader: folds
kensky: calls 90
*** FLOP *** [4h 4s Jc]
kensky: checks-Not P-: bets 210
E-Donk: raises 340 to 550
kensky: folds
-Not P-: raises 1450 to 2000 and is all-in
E-Donk: folds
-Not P- collected 1505 from pot
-Not P-: doesn't show hand

Sure I lost that pot, but I thought I could be behind. I was distracted with the PLO tourney and probably should have reraised preflop, oh well. But, to reward my patience that hand was IMMEDIATELY followed up with:

Dealt to E-Donk [Qd Qc]
kensky: folds
king possum: folds
killi: folds
-Not P-: folds
Roadraider: raises 60 to 90
E-Donk: raises 130 to 220
S SIZZLE: calls 220
462_Loader: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
Roadraider: folds
*** FLOP *** [4s 4c 6s]
E-Donk: bets 600
S SIZZLE: folds
E-Donk collected 575 from pot

Then the onslaught of premium hands began.

Dealt to E-Donk [Ad Ac]
E-Donk: raises 70 to 100
S SIZZLE: folds
Roadraider said, "yeah, got to love Omaha. All is up in the air tillthe river and everyone is always chasing..."
462_Loader: calls 100
E-Donk said, "true true"
TouchedSpoon: folds
kensky: folds
king possum: folds
killi: folds
-Not P-: calls 85
Roadraider: folds
*** FLOP *** [3d 5d Ts]
-Not P-: checks
E-Donk: bets 200
462_Loader: calls 200
-Not P-: folds
*** TURN *** [3d 5d Ts] [9c]
E-Donk: bets 500
462_Loader: folds
E-Donk collected 730 from pot
E-Donk: shows [Ad Ac] (a pair of Aces)

Dealt to E-Donk [Jh Js]
killi: calls
Not P-: folds
Roadraider: folds
E-Donk: raises 200 to 250
S SIZZLE: folds
S SIZZLE is sitting out
462_Loader: calls 250
TouchedSpoon: folds
kensky: folds
king possum: folds
killi: calls 200
*** FLOP *** [3s 2h 2d]
killi: bets 328 and is all-in
E-Donk: raises 328 to 656
462_Loader: calls 656
*** TURN *** [3s 2h 2d] [6d]
E-Donk: bets 500
462_Loader: folds
*** RIVER *** [3s 2h 2d 6d] [4h]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
E-Donk: shows [Jh Js] (two pair, Jacks and Deuces)

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to E-Donk [Kd Ks]
Roadraider: folds
E-Donk: raises 350 to 500
tatm2008: folds
462_Loader: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
kensky: raises 346 to 846 and is all-in
mbgolfer: folds
-Not P-: folds
E-Donk: calls 346
*** FLOP *** [Qs 2c 6h]
*** TURN *** [Qs 2c 6h] [3d]
*** RIVER *** [Qs 2c 6h 3d] [8d]
Roadraider said, "vn"
*** SHOW DOWN ***
E-Donk: shows [Kd Ks] (a pair of Kings)

Which was immediately followed by:

Dealt to E-Donk [Qs Qd]
E-Donk said, "they just don't respect my raises around here ;)"
E-Donk said, "let's try it again"
Bloomer is connected
E-Donk: raises 350 to 500
tatm2008: folds
462_Loader: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
tommy17: folds
mbgolfer: folds
-Not P-: calls 425
Roadraider: folds
*** FLOP *** [2h Kh 4d]
-Not P-: checks
E-Donk: bets 700
-Not P-: folds
E-Donk collected 1150 from pot
E-Donk: shows [Qs Qd] (a pair of Queens)

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to E-Donk [Jc Jd]
Bloomer: folds
mbgolfer: folds
-Not P-: folds
Roadraider: folds
E-Donk: raises 400 to 550
tatm2008: folds
462_Loader: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
tommy17: folds
E-Donk collected 375 from pot
E-Donk: doesn't show hand

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to E-Donk [Js Jd]
E-Donk said, "I need to keep playing everyhand"
tatm2008: folds
spiderwebbo: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
tommy17: raises 400 to 600
Bloomer: folds
jasken: folds
-Not P-: folds
Roadraider: folds
E-Donk: raises 700 to 1300
tommy17: raises 530 to 1830 and is all-in
E-Donk: calls 530
*** FLOP *** [4d 4s Kc]
*** TURN *** [4d 4s Kc] [7s]
*** RIVER *** [4d 4s Kc 7s] [Jh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***E-Donk: shows [Js Jd] (a full house, Jacks full of Fours)

*** FLOP *** [Th Jh 7h]
Roadraider: checks
E-Donk: checks
*** TURN *** [Th Jh 7h] [Ad]
Roadraider: checks
E-Donk: checks
*** RIVER *** [Th Jh 7h Ad] [Ah]
Roadraider: bets 400
E-Donk: raises 800 to 1200
Roadraider: calls 800
*** SHOW DOWN ***E-Donk: shows [Ac As] (four of a kind, Aces)

I thought my hand was pretty solid there ;).

The times I didn't play premium hands, I hit the flops tremendously well.

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to E-Donk [9s 8s]
E-Donk: calls 100
tatm2008: folds
462_Loader: calls 100
TouchedSpoon: calls 100
kensky: calls 100
king possum: folds
mbgolfer: folds
E-Donk said, "family pot!"
-Not P-: folds
Roadraider: checks
*** FLOP *** [7d Ts Jc]
Roadraider: checks
E-Donk: checks
462_Loader: checks
TouchedSpoon: checks
kensky: checks
*** TURN *** [7d Ts Jc] [Kc]
Roadraider: checks
E-Donk: bets 350
462_Loader: folds
TouchedSpoon: calls 350
kensky: folds
Roadraider: folds
*** RIVER *** [7d Ts Jc Kc] [4h]
E-Donk: bets 450
TouchedSpoon: folds
E-Donk collected 1250 from pot
E-Donk: doesn't show hand

Dealt to E-Donk [7s 8s]
-Not P-: calls 150
Roadraider: folds
E-Donk: calls 150
tatm2008: calls 150
462_Loader: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
tommy17: folds
Bloomer: folds
mbgolfer: checks*** FLOP *** [9s 5d 6h]

So, even a monkey could play those hands. After that I went card dead for a while, but had a couple of well timed steals and marginal hands that took down pots. To my right was a big big stack that was bullying around the table, but he was doing so in a weak way. He would raise preflop and if someone called him, would bet the min [800 at that level] and everyone would always fold. Next time we were both in the blinds, I knew I was going to resteal. Just like preschool, sometimes you have to stand up to a bully.

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to E-Donk [Jh 6d]
tatm2008: folds
spiderwebbo: folds
TouchedSpoon: folds
variety: folds
Bloomer: folds
Gator_Jordan: folds
buffett2: raises 800 to 1600
E-Donk: raises 1600 to 3200
buffett2: calls 1600

Nothing to worry about there, big stacks don't always give it up on a resteal or reraise of their steal attempt. After all, he was getting pretty big odds to make the call then, 4000 to 1600, or 2.5:1 I believe. That's fine, more chips for me later.

*** FLOP *** [Td 3c 2h]
buffett2: bets 800

This was the expected play from our villian, his typical standard bet although at this point it reaks of weakness, betting 800 into a 5,600 chip pot.

E-Donk: raises 2200 to 3000
buffett2: folds
E-Donk collected 8400 from pot
E-Donk: doesn't show hand

Anyway, the hands cooled down as we got down into the final four tables, especially a stretch where I ran into pocket Aces two hands in a row, including one hand where it was AA v. KK v. JJ and I had the JJ. I picked up tons of outs on a b oard of 8 9 10 3, but it was not to be. Finally, I ended up lowstacked, around 11,000 and it folded to me on the button wtih blinds of 2,000 and 4,000. I pushed with 10c-6s, and the small blind immediately called. All I was thinking is, please don't show me a dominated hand, just give me two live outs. Small blind turns over Ac-6d, and it game, set, and blouses for E-Donk.

Some Poker Humor

I found this to be absolutely hilarious.

25 Fun Things to Do in a Cardroom
1. Exclaim "One Time!" for every card that's dealt to you, and again on every card on the board.
2. Call for the clock as soon as every single player's betting action begins.
3. Speak your inner monologue aloud while making your betting decisions. Be rude and offensive to people about their playing styles as if they can't hear you.
4. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! OY OY OY!!! Every. Single. Hand.
5. Show your cards with excited glee to the imaginary person next to you. Ask for advice.
6. Multi-table in a live casino.
7. When debating making an all-in call, count out your chips individually. Have trouble with the math. When the dealer tries to help, shoo their hand away, annoyed, and start over. (Guaranteed to pick up a tell.)
8. Wear huge headphones to the table. When someone attempts talking to you, talk in a very loud voice. When they ask you to remove your headphones, do so, and then continue to shout.
9. Wear a tuxedo and name tag to the casino. Ask everyone how their evening has been. Try and earn as many tips as possible before the staff catches on.
10. Stack up as many cushions as you can until you don't actually need a chair.
11. Bring a rack of $3 chips to a 4/8 game. (More plausible in an LA cardroom.)
12. Become extremely angry when told that the bad beat jackpot is not a straight beating two pair.
13. ...even if you use both hole cards.
14. Rebuy after every hand you lose, even if it was just a folded blind. Sigh heavily every time you reach for your wallet.
15. Announce every push as being an "Official 'Degree' All-in Moment".
16. Offer a burnt sacrifice to the poker gods before sitting at a table by setting a dollar bill on fire.
17. Loudly and publicly make an over/under bet with a friend on how many times you can ask for a new setup before everyone leaves the table.
18. Claim loudly that you own the copyright on the term "suckout". Demand royalties any time someone uses it, even at adjacent tables.
19. When you sit down for the first time and the dealer asks if you wish to post, study the table like deciding on how to play a tricky hand. Extra points for staring someone down.
20. Demand that you are able to speak to the elves in the auto-shuffling machine, so you can make sure they're not trying to cheat you.
21. When signing up on multiple waiting lists, use different initials for each list.
22. If having a bad run, ask the dealer if you can use the Orange or Turquoise deck from now on.
23. When a kill pot is announced, slap a pocketknife down on the table. Stare at the player with the kill button obsessively.
24. Put $2.47 behind.
25. If anyone uses the term "suicide kings", exclaim loudly "My father committed suicide." Allow the awkward silence to come over the table. Then begin to whistle showtunes and go back to the game.

Speaking of, I have a no-limit hold 'em and a pot-limit Omaha tournament on the schedule tonight. Hopefully I don't fuck up.

Thoughts of Memorial Day Weekend

I hope none of you are expecting a sappy, let's remember all of our troops and what they have sacrificed for our country post because you aren't getting one. Not that I intend to demean what they have done, but it's just not my style.

This weekend I saw a liscence plate that said EDUK8TOR on it, which I thought was cute. But then I realized why South Carolina ranks around 48th in the nation in education... because our teachers can't fucking spell.

It disturbs me when people re-name their home town or college town with something they think makes it sound more catchy or exciting than it is. A popular term of choice involves the re-appropriation of the term "Vegas" as if that immediately makes your town cool. I've heard Lex-Vegas to describe Lexington, VA which, as far as I can tell, only resembles Las Vegas because of the massive cocaine abuse. The phrase as also been appropriated to both Greenville, North AND South Carolina. Raleigh has become "Raleighwood"; Charlotte = Cha-town. I'm all for catch town nicknames, as long as they fit and aren't some lazy attempt to rip off another city. Call Charlotte the QC, since it has been known as the Queen City ever since it was named after one. Call Atlanta "the A," or ATL, because that's what it is. But please, please, stop adding Vegas after your town name. There is only one Las Vegas, only one place where I can lose hundreds of dollars while gambling, walk the streets at 4 am and get propositioned by a prostitute and a coke dealer all within 5 minutes, not that that actually happened, but I can tell you if it did, it would not have happened in Virginia, North Carolina, or South Carolina. Sorry to break the news to you.

People who think that cats are smarter than dogs are just dumb. I am a foster parent to a kitten-like cat for the summer, and while it has changed my perception on cats as pets, I am and still will forever be a dog person. The main behavioral difference in the two pets is in how they treat their owners. Dogs, as descendants of wolves, come to recognize their owner as the 'alpha male' of the household. They recognize they are dependent on you for their survival. Cats on the other hand, view themselves as your equal. This is why when you discipline a dog it's okay to thump it on the nose with a newspaper, because they respond to being "put in their place" so to speak. Cats however, will just resent you for it. But the reality is, they are just as dependent on you to take care of them. I still carry my cat's poop to the trash can so she doesn't get upset; I feed her twice a day and make sure she has fresh water. While I'm sure she thinks she is a predatory jungle cat, I don't think her ability to hunt a catnip mouse makes her ready for the field of battle. See, cats have a reality deficit. Sasha needs to recognize :).

This Memorial Day weekend saw a lot of sports records broken. Barry "I'm on the juice" Bonds hit #715; Sam Cornish Jr. won the 2nd closest Indy 500 of all time; Rafael Nadal set the longest consecutive win streak on clay courts. On a similiar sporting note, I'm sad to see the Gamecocks baseball team not doing so well. After being ranked #1 at one point in the season, we have since fallen to #23 or so and for the first time since I can remember, are not even hosting one of the regionals for the NCAA tournament.

Poker food for thought

Since I just made the final table of a pot-limit Omaha tournament on PokerStars, I thought I'd pose a theory question to you junkies out there. By the way, who's the boorish American hold 'em player now? Not this EuroRounder.

Blinds are 1000/2000 and you are in the big blind with Qs-8s-1oh-5h and the short stack on the table goes all in for 7000 chips. You have about 30,000 chips at the time which is above average, but not too much above average and you are near the money bubble? What do you do?



I ended up calling here, and here is why. My hand is mediocre, but I'm getting decent odds to call. After the short stack puts in 7000, the pot size is 10,000. It is now 5,000 to me to call to win 10,000; in other words, I'm getting 2:1 on my money. In order for this to be a mathematically correct play, I only have to be better than a 33% favorite to win the hand. My opponent ended up turning over Ac-Ah-2s-2d, which is actually a fairly strong Omaha hand (almost like hold 'em, bare aces are a favorite over any other hand preflop, though usually not by much. Also, when holding two pair in your hand, you are 4 to 1 to flop a set [three of a kind]). Still, even with that strong of a holding from my opponent I was only a 44_to_56 underdog. Turns out that even up against the strongest hand in Omaha (AAKK double suited, provided it's not sharing my suits) I'm only a 37_to_63 underdog. That my friends, is what we call a +EV move (positive expected value). Ironically, these are mistakes that people make all the time in tournaments. Later in the same tournament, the short stack moved in pre-flop again.... this time the big blind was getting something ridiculous like 5 t0 1 to call AND HE/SHE FOLDED! Not only can I not imagine a hand that is less than 16% to win in Omaha, but they let the short stack double through. Tsk tsk.

Sure, I went on to lose the hand.... but that doesn't matter because it was the right decision.

You too can be a scholar!

I was a little sleep deprived at work today given some late night antics with my new kitten last night. Combine that with some dry-erase board cleaning agent used in a closed office, and you have the following conversation.

Me: This might be a stupid question, but do oil rigs just float out there in the ocean?

B: Can you please think about the question you just asked me? You know they have to drill for the oil right? They don't just scoop it out of the water.

Me: Well, yeah, I get that. But this article about the Brent Spar keeps referring to it as an oil buoy and ballast tanks. Makes me think about submarines. Maybe the oil platform floats in the water, but is anchored into the ocean floor to make sure it doesn't move away.

B: And you're the one writing the texts for our brochures? How bout you say the word "pylon" and I will give you a prize.

Me: Okay, you're right... I was being a bit dumb, remember the sleep thing? Anyway, maybe I need to revolutionize offshore oil drilling. Maybe they should float there. That way when the oil source runs out, they can, you know, pull up the drill and float to the next one.

T: *nearly laughing hysterically* This isn't like a goddamn river logjam... you can't float on over to a new oil spot.

Me: Fine, we'll motorize the platforms! It will be like a giant boat and can just drive on over. Wait, well, they can't be gas-powered engines because that would violate the number one law of selling drugs... you know, don't get high off your own supply.

*everyone stares blankly*

Me: You know, because they are drilling for oil but would be using gas to power the engines....

B: Wow, that was a tangent.

Me: Ehhh, maybe more like a two-step analogy.

B: Sure, if that's what you want to call it. Why don't you just have guys on the top of the oil rig lasso whales as they swim by. Then the whales can take you to the new oil.

Me: Now we're talking!

Toilet Monster Captured!

I'm quite certain if this were a character on Sesame Street when I was growing up I would have been terrified. While I do actually (despite rumors to the contrary) find nanotechnology interesting, I'm sure most people are not too enthralled by our activities here at the NanoCenter. We have, however, been terrorized by a creature I have affectionately nicknamed the Toilet Monster (or the Artist Formerly Known as the Shit-Hurling Ape) for the past year. This guy (well, presumably a guy because the events occur in the men's restroom) comes in and uses our bathrooms for the feared "#2." But, he apparently has a tremendous fear of coming in contact with anything bathroom related. When he is done, there are paper towels thrown all about the entire restroom including handfuls of paper towels flushed down the toilet. Needless to say, the plumbing does not tolerate this kind of behavior. Consequently, the men's bathrooms are closed nearly twice a week as someone has to come in and unclog our toilets.

Well, this bastard was finally caught brown-handed over the weekend. Apparently, this guy named 'Earl' is a mentally handicapped employee who works next door. He has an irrational fear of bathrooms and is embarassed to use them at his place of work so has decided ot come next door to visit ours. Hopefully we won't see him for some time now, although I imagine it is very hard to wipe delicately while wearing a straight jacket.

A Short Poker Story

This post was originally going to be a *side note* to another post of mine, but then I got way too engrossed in poker and decided it deserved its own space.

One of my best friends played in a Pot-Limit Omaha (PLO) poker tournament in Reno the other night. For those not familiar with the game, each player receives four down (unexposed) cards and then plays them in conjunction with a 5 card community board (everyone can play those five cards). You must play two cards from your hand, however, the sheer number of down cards makes a lot of good hands possible which makes it difficult for anyone to be a prohibitive favorite before the flop (the first three community cards exposed). One of our running jokes is that even if you get all your money in with As-Ac-Ks-Kc (considered the top hand, because you have the two highest pocket pairs, and two draws at the nut flush/straights) against 2c-3h-7d-8s (a pretty godawful Omaha hand) you're still probably only a 55 to 45 favorite. Well, last night my friend got all of his money in with As-Ac-Qs-Jc which is still fairly solid against another random hand... 7-8-9-10. Turns out he was only a 58_to_42_favorite , but of course lost anyway. That's Omaha for you.

If you want a really entertaining read on PLO, I suggest the script of EuroRounders found here. Also required is repeated viewings of Rounders to get the subtle jokes. For those of you too lazy to go to a hyperlinked site, I will post my favorite excerpts below.

Michel: “I raise.”
Teddy CIA: “It’s a position raise. I call.”
- The flop comes 5-7-A, with two diamonds -
Michel: “I bet the pot.”
Teddy CIA: “I raise the pot.”
Michel: “I reraise the pot.”
Teddy CIA: “I reraise the pot.”
Michel: “Pot.”
Teddy CIA: “Pot.”
Michel: “Pot.”
Teddy CIA: “Pot.”
Michel: “Pot.”
Teddy CIA: “Pot.”
Michel (voiceover): “I sit back and think. I have three aces - the best possible hand. I want him to think I’m debating a call, but really I’m just thinking about Monte Carlo, and whatever the[censored] is in Monte Carlo.”
Michel: *shrugs* “Okay, well, I re-pot it, I’m all in, because I don’t think you have a pair.” *winks at thecamera*
Teddy CIA: “Who are you winking at? It doesn’t matter, I call.”
Michel (voiceover): “I know before he even says it.”
Teddy CIA: “I have 8-6-4-3 with two diamonds, for a wrap straight draw and a flush draw, which is a favorite over your top set.”

Michel: “Look…Croissant, I never told you this, but about a year ago, I was playing poker at the Casino des Atlantes, and Marcel Luske walks in. He sits downat the 50/100 pot limit game. And, I mean, the whole place stops, right? Just watching this guy play. After a while there isn’t a retarded European gambling game going, because everybody’s just, you know, watching this guy.”
- Joey Croissant nods -
Michel: “So you know what I did? I sat down.”
Joey Croissant: “No way, you need at least 300,000euros to sit down at a game like that. Such bad financial management is typical of a boorishAmerican!”
- Joey Croissant and Michel laugh for twenty-sixminutes -
Michel: “Right, okay, but seriously, I played for an hour, doing nothing but folding. Then I won a huge pot.”
Joey Croissant: “Aces? Kings? Ace-King double suited?Suited aces? High connectors? Middle double suited connectors? Two big pair?”
Michel: “Rags.”
Joey Croissant: “That’s probably fine too, you’re only like a 48/52 dog.”
Michel: “I raised. And he came over the top of me, like I was a boorish American. I re-popped it. He potted it again. I think for like two seconds and then I re-pot it.”
Joey Croissant: “Jesus [censored] Christ, how much money did you have?”
Michel: “After I bet I would quietly slide my chips back toward my stack, nobody noticed. Anyway, he thinks for a while, looks at me, checks his cards again, and he mucks. I take it down. And then he looks at me and says, ‘I have to know. Did you have it?’ And I said, ‘I’m sorry Marcel, I can’t remember.’”
Joey Croissant: “Face!”
Michel: “I know, totally. Anyway, based on that one hand, I felt confident gambling for all the money I had, at one time.”

Teddy CIA: “We play, heads up, Pot Limit Omaha, 25 and50 blinds, until one of us has it all?”
Michel: “Out of sheer curiosity, you realize you’re giving up like boat loads of equity by agreeing to gamble for money that’s effectively yours anyway, right? That you could just not let me play, and then kill me and take what I have?”
Teddy CIA: “I know, but I am a boorish American!”
- Michel and Teddy CIA laugh for seventy-two minutes -

- The flop reads 10-9-5, with two spades -
Michel: “Pot.”
Teddy CIA: “Pot.”
Michel: “Pot.”
Teddy CIA: “Pot.”
Michel: “Pot.”
Teddy CIA: “Pot.”
Michel: “Pot. I’m all in.”
Teddy CIA: “Alright, I call. What do you have?”
Michel: “Jack high flush draw and middle set.”
Teddy CIA: “Wrap, with a king high flush draw.”
Michel: “Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up,otherwise I am going to die.”

Okay, so I was planning on just putting in excerpts but the whole thing is so damn funny you probably just read about three-quarters of the script. So sue me.

A Meta-Blog

I have recently received several recommendations to avoid making my blog some sentimental "emo" read. By several, I mean one, but I thought I could make my blog sound more well-read if I phrased it otherwise. Almost tricked you, didn't it?

Regardless, this got me to thinking about what I wanted the context of my blog to be. While I consider myself to be somewhat of an intellectual, I rarely come across such earth-shattering ideas that I feel the need to either a/ dedicate an entire blog to them or b/ waste everyone else's time in reading them. Occasionally I may post insights into my latest project or paper, but mainly as a way for me to voice my initial thoughts in the roughest of draft forms. Feel free to either ignore or criticize those posts, especially if it is constructive.

With that being said, I am very pleased with the formatting and template of the blog; it kind gives it a professional appearance and feel, which makes me feel like what I'm saying is important, even when that is not the case, which will probably happen quite often. So, who knows what the blog will include. For now, it may be overwhelmed with comments about nanotechnology as I am finishing up what I guess can be called a 3 year career in that industry. Other times there may be rants about the population of Columbia, poor poker play, or my roommates. Then again, this blog is really designed for the start of law school at NYU, so if you don't like my blog now, check back at the end of August. Maybe it will pick up then.

Random Musings of a Morning Commute

My commute to work is not long by any means, 2.4_miles_to_be_exact. Nor is Columbia a big city. Even as the state's capital, the within city limits population is probably no more than 200,000, 600,000 at best when you include the "bustling metropolis" areas of Irmo, West Columbia, Cayce and the like. But, I do come in on one of the "major" streets of Columbia (meaning it is paved, with lanes, and traffic signals, and the like). And, despite its size, Columbia seems to be a shipping mecca of the Southeast as I cross FOUR railroad tracks on my 2.4 mile commute. My exploits with the trains have been more frustrating_than_funny. Combine this with a high percentage of idiotic, drunk, or just plain redneck drivers and you never know what might happen. With that in mind....

Today, I was driving behind a Plymouth/Dodge Neon with decals on it denoting its 2.0 Magnum engine. I suppose that is designed to intimidate. After all, the .45 Magnum pistol was called so because of its increased muzzle velocity and nasty kick. But for some reason, driving a Neon does not conjure up images of Dirty Harry firing off a few rounds with a gigantic pistol. Rather, I think of an asthmatic kid trying to work a blowgun... but I digress. I suppose the 2.0L engine is a step-up from a 1.6L engine, or that hamster in a wheel, whichever powered the entry-level Neon. But, to top it all off, this driver had put a sticker on the rear window which read "Yes it's fast, and no you can't drive it." I'm sorry to break the news in a public forum like this, but Neon, you sir, are no Ferrari. I can't think of any one of my close personal friends that has dreams of piloting this purebred steed. Most of them would probably be pissed to find out it's their rental car.

The second event of note is even more impressive, especially since this is the second time I have seen this happen in Columbia. One of the traffic lights had malfunctioned at a large intersection and reverted into what I assume is its safety mode. The direction that houses the major flow of traffic in the mornings was given the "flashing yellow," which I assume to mean "slow down and proceed with caution." The other direction was given the "flashing red," which to me means "come to a stop at the intersection and drive through when safe." Apparently I am from the old school of driving on this point. Here in Columbia the "flashing red" means "if you can drive quickly through while the red light is not on, your driving is A-OK." Seriously. Within the last two months I have seen this happen twice, people driving directly through on a flashing red without slowing down or stopping at all. Keep in mind this isn't just one person either, entire waves of people are coming through unabated. Maybe we should all give this new driving trend some time. It could serve to weed out some of the "best and brightest" of Columbia. There is nothing quite like seeing Social_Darwinism in action.

By the way, if I am wrong about what those traffic signals mean, feel free to contact me. I would really like to know.

Racing to Beat the Stroke of Midnight

On an entirely different note, today is my fake birthday. What I mean by that, is when I was growing up my neighborhood directory had listed my birthdate as May 17th, as opposed to the 7th. For years I would get calls from neighbors wishing me a "Happy Birthday" 10 days too late. In a way, May 17th is kind of like celebrating your fake ID's birthday, which, now that I have reminded myself, is coming up on October 12th.

Summer Work

Outside of consultant, my technical job title for ICON this summer is that of a web miner. If there was a form of digital black lung, I feel like I'd have it by now [insert cough originating from my eyeballs]. I am also in charge of debunking a lot of the wild claims made by non-governmental organizations lambasting the regulatory landscape of the nanotechnology industry, or lack thereof. Unfortunately, those white papers might as well be authored by Puff Daddy; they are all remixes of a previous version.

The latest paper is a petition by the International Council on Technology Assessment to the FDA calling for a revamped approach to regulating nanoparticles, including a moratorium on sunscreen products. Most of the petitioners are the same old faces in the nanotech world, most notably Greenpeace and the ETC Group. Moratoriums are hardly new news from these people, as seen here.

Some groups need to realize that the industrial ball is already rolling and the bureaucratic inertia is too much to stop it. Government is not going to allow a moratorium on an industry they've invested billions in, including a planned 1.2 billion in 2007. Anyway, the FDA has 6 months before they have to respond to the petition. If I were a gambling man, my money would be on a rejection, with outright laughing paying 3 to 1.