A memo to Columbia drivers
I know many of you are too ignorant to notice things happening around you, so for those of you that are afflicted with this problem but remain literate, here's a list of suggestions. I realize that this probably applies to a small demographic; those who are dumb enough to drive this idiotically yet smart enough to find my blog and read it are bound to be a tiny minority in Columbia.
1. Please learn how to merge onto the interstate. The Harbison exit off of I-126 is less than 10 miles from my apartment. It should never take me more than ONE HOUR to get there as it did this last Friday unless there is a multi-vehicle accident in which many people die, and/or children are paralyzed. Nope, this weekend, no traffic accidents, no road construction, no bright and shiny objects on the side of the road, but traffic was at a standstill. This is unacceptable. I like the South because it isn't congested. I shouldn't have to deal with traffic like the 405 without all the benefits of Los Angeles. I take subpar entertainment because there is no traffic. If this keeps up, I'm not coming back.
2. If there is a dedicated turn lane, please use it. Do not stop in the one lane of flowing traffic with your turn signal on, causing me to scream, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID DRIPPING CUNT, MOVE OVER INTO THE TURN LANE!" It's just embarrassing for everyone involved. In my defense, this was after it took me an hour to travel 8.6 miles and any additional delays were really pissing me off. Also, my windows were down so I'm not sure she heard me, though she did make a half assed attempt to get in the turn lane but still kept blocking traffic. This only enraged me further. I'm glad they have a waiting period on handgun purchases. Thank you, Brady Bill!
3. If you are travelling on a two-lane interstate and there is a long convoy of Army vehicles travelling at 55 mph in the right hand lane, you should be required by law to put down your AARP card and hit the accelerator on that Lincoln Continental and pass them. I know this is a phenomenon that happens when State Troopers are on the road and no one wants to pass them, but the Army is not going it to issue you a moving violation. Next time you slow me down like that, they will, however, issue me an M-16 and I may be forced to shoot you. I'm pretty sure that "giving fair warning" is all that is needed to absolve me of any legal liabilities down here in the South.
1. Please learn how to merge onto the interstate. The Harbison exit off of I-126 is less than 10 miles from my apartment. It should never take me more than ONE HOUR to get there as it did this last Friday unless there is a multi-vehicle accident in which many people die, and/or children are paralyzed. Nope, this weekend, no traffic accidents, no road construction, no bright and shiny objects on the side of the road, but traffic was at a standstill. This is unacceptable. I like the South because it isn't congested. I shouldn't have to deal with traffic like the 405 without all the benefits of Los Angeles. I take subpar entertainment because there is no traffic. If this keeps up, I'm not coming back.
2. If there is a dedicated turn lane, please use it. Do not stop in the one lane of flowing traffic with your turn signal on, causing me to scream, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID DRIPPING CUNT, MOVE OVER INTO THE TURN LANE!" It's just embarrassing for everyone involved. In my defense, this was after it took me an hour to travel 8.6 miles and any additional delays were really pissing me off. Also, my windows were down so I'm not sure she heard me, though she did make a half assed attempt to get in the turn lane but still kept blocking traffic. This only enraged me further. I'm glad they have a waiting period on handgun purchases. Thank you, Brady Bill!
3. If you are travelling on a two-lane interstate and there is a long convoy of Army vehicles travelling at 55 mph in the right hand lane, you should be required by law to put down your AARP card and hit the accelerator on that Lincoln Continental and pass them. I know this is a phenomenon that happens when State Troopers are on the road and no one wants to pass them, but the Army is not going it to issue you a moving violation. Next time you slow me down like that, they will, however, issue me an M-16 and I may be forced to shoot you. I'm pretty sure that "giving fair warning" is all that is needed to absolve me of any legal liabilities down here in the South.
posted by Hoss | 10:29 AM
2 Comments:
Why is it I never see these terrible Columbia drivers you talk about? Maybe I'm just one of the bad ones...
I appreciate the bolded THE in front of 405... "stupid, dripping cunt"...not so much. If anything, that should be hot, or not referenced at all. But, not stupid or bad in any way.
That's my feminist rant on you for the month. :) Hope white water rafting is as awesome as it sounds!
Post a Comment
<< Home